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Did you know that, according to the Southern Rockland Co. Center for Wheatberry Studies, 99.99% of all Americans are not getting their recommended daily allowance of wheatberries? And according to the Wheatberry Institute at the State University of New York at Pulldata Myasse, just one serving of wheatberries a day can lead to higher levels of energy, youthful high-spiritedness and increased sexytude? Not to mention their effect on bowel regularity. So, as part of my work for the National Association for the Advancement of Wheatberry Consumption, I am dedicating the following blog post to the delicious fruit of the wheat tree, the wheatberry.

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“Christmas! Coleslaw!” Emo Phillips used to say, back the in the eighties, when comedy was dominated by awkward, high-voiced man-children in ill-fitting suits, back before sullen teenagers with too much eyeliner and a cutting habit  hijacked the word “emo” for their own nefarious purposes and ruined it for the older generation, much like their spiritual brethren, the homosexuals, did with the word “gay” decades earlier.

 

Emo Phillips

Emo Phillips

Emo Phillips has faded into obscurity since the heady days of Punky Brewster, the California Raisins and zany secretary of state Alexander “I’m in charge!” Haig, but thankfully coleslaw is as popular as ever. But like so many other things in the United States, supermarket coleslaw is a) disgusting and b) way too sugary,  so I find it much more satisfying to make my own. In fact, if you bring this coleslaw to your next barbecue, you’ll be more popular than Pee Wee Herman in a biker bar. Now that I think of it, you might want to bring some tequila as well.

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